Sexologist Isiah McKimmie on how long foreplay should be

A woman has admitted sexual mistakes her husband makes every time he has sex – a very common problem.

Welcome to Relationship Rehab,’s weekly column addressing all of your romance problems, no barriers.

This week, our resident sexologist Isaiah McKimmi Hearing from one reader, she wondered how to tell her husband that she wanted more foreplay without offending him.

question: how can i get mine husband Do more foreplay? That was my favorite part and honestly I’d be happy if that was all we did, but my husband always went straight to the “main event”. How can I tell him I want more foreplay without offending him?

Reply: If there’s one thing I wish all men knew about women gendershould be this, that female Often want more foreplay and less penetration. I’m glad you sent this question.

I often have men turn to me for support with erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation. They wanted me to get treatment to make sure they could “achieve” penetration and have a longer penetration time. Many never ask what their female partner wants. Many partners tell me they don’t want longer penetration – they want more of everything else.

Lack of foreplay increases pain and reduces pleasure

Not spending enough time in foreplay increases Miss Pain during sex and reduce her pleasure.Spending longer (at least 20 minutes) in foreplay is the first step gender Therapists recommend women struggling to orgasm.

At least 20 minutes of foreplay is recommended

It actually takes about 20 minutes for a woman’s body to be fully prepared for intercourse. During this time, a woman’s body undergoes complex changes to prepare for sex, including the creation of more lubrication and a “tent” of the vaginal canal. With a busy life and a full mental load, foreplay also gives women time to relax, which is essential for increasing happiness.

I realize this is way longer than some couples spend in foreplay! To some it sounds like a long time, while others will wish I said 45 minutes.

‘Golden Trio’ in Foreplay Increases Women’s Chances of Orgasm

A “golden trio” has been found to further increase a woman’s chances of orgasm when included in foreplay lasting at least 20 minutes. The trio included deep kissing, stroking each other’s genitals and oral sex.

How to ask what you want in bed

It’s all really just saying what you want is totally reasonable. Women may end up wondering if it’s okay to ask what they want because it doesn’t match their partner’s wishes. I want all women to know that it’s okay to ask what you want.

Also keep in mind that many of the men I talk to in therapy tell me they want more guidance from their partners.

Here are some things you can say in the bedroom (and outside) to tell your partner what you want.

Try lighter methods first

I want you to tease me more first.

Let’s take it slow, I’m really enjoying myself.

If he doesn’t respond, try a firmer approach

I wasn’t ready (when he tried to penetrate). I really want you to… (tell him what you want).

If these attempts don’t get you the results you want, you may need to have a more direct conversation when you’re not stuck in bed.

When talking about the sex you want, I always recommend a three-step approach:

tell your partner what you already like

Request what you want to try

ask them if they would like to

It might sound like this:

I really like having sex with you. I especially liked… (specify what you like). I think it’s better for me to have us spend more time, especially in foreplay. I’d love that we can (specify what you want). Would you like to try it?

Open sexual communication is one of the most important factors in a good sex life. Because it’s not something many of us are taught, it can be awkward at first. But don’t worry, practice will get easier.

Isaiah McKimmi Is a couples therapist, sexologist, sex therapist and lecturer.To schedule a meeting with her, visit her website or follow her Instagram More advice on relationships, sex and intimacy.

Read related topics:Isiah McKimmie Sex Advice