Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial reveals ugly side of toxic and violent relationships

The trial of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard revealed how toxic their marriage was, but there may be a disturbing reason they’re together.

It was a harrowing trial, and thankfully it is now over.

Reading the Depp-Heard testimony gives society—especially online communities—an ugly color.

six weeks before jury finding Amber Heard slandered ex-husband Johnny Depp In an opinion piece, the internet — and indeed the world — is on fire.

Feces on the bed, sexual assault with a bottle, physical violence, threats – the list goes on. Many watched with a grotesque interest in this vaudeville of humiliation, depravity, and rage.

Many people have been questioning the psychological state of both parties involved; questioning why they are together and how?

There are reports that the trial will prevent domestic violence Victims of public speaking have circulated after Hurd’s testimony was dragged out, put under a microscope and questioned in every statement.

Social media trends, hashtags, threats. I heard being called a liar For her testimony – a mockery of this trial, this sentence makes me physically sick. But it also brings up a very familiar question – how did it get here, why are they together, who are these people?

But let me tell you, domestic violence Can bring an unsightly color of despair to the victim.

Many years ago, I was involved in a violent and controlling relationship with a deranged man. I wanted a way out, but felt like there was nowhere to go.

I had a loving family, many close friends, and at the time I even went to see a psychologist regularly. Part of that made breaking free (he would threaten my loved ones), but I consider myself the lucky guy because I managed to relocate to get rid of his vicious stranglehold.

He spent months isolating me from friends, becoming increasingly defensive about me, putting my job at risk, trying to make me more dependent on him. I didn’t even know it was happening because I had no experience or understanding of it.

Violence begins with a gentle push. He was sorry at the time, I didn’t think of anything. I’m a little pissed off, but let’s move on.

Then slowly upgrade. Taking his anger out in the surroundings slowly made me an object of anger. “You piss me off,” is a daily affirmation.

Our relationship caused some horrible reactions in him, but also in me – I don’t even know myself. You see, when your survival is at stake, you become an animal; running around desperately to escape the situation.

He would push me against the wall with his neck – I would spit in his face, trying to break free.

He would push me and I would try to push him back to maintain some kind of control.

He would follow me in his car and follow me on the street – I would drive erratically trying to get away.

I was insane, desperate and trying to get out of danger. I would park the car outside the police station and try to stop him. He will wait for me when I get home.

He would show up at my place of work, at my friend’s house – he even managed to install an app on my phone to track my movements without my knowledge.

I’m ashamed and humiliated that it’s gotten to the point – how did I get here?

I’m not one of those black-eyed women on the poster who got beat up. I’m strong, confident, have a support network, and am well educated…isn’t it?

But every time I tried to end it, he either blackmailed me emotionally, “please, I have no one else, nowhere to go, I love you so much – I didn’t mean it”, appealing to my humanity, or He’ll threaten, become violent, openly angry, and in these moments, I want to do everything I can to distract from the situation, so I’ll try to reassure him – alleviate my need to end it. Try to play down the relationship rather than break up completely.

In the end, I had to take action – internationally – to break the tie. Thankfully, my mother lives overseas, so I can uproot without any hassle. For that, I consider myself very lucky. She didn’t even know the full extent of the violence and aggression, but she knew I needed to get out of this country to escape him.

But the point is, during that time, I didn’t know myself or how I got to this ugly, horrible place.I suspect heard or depp In this case, I realized myself. Tell these vile anecdotes and relive these degrading encounters.

something like this happened amber heard It happens all the time in the media when I try to leave my relationship and I get scared of being called a liar, being called a bitch, a manipulator and my motives for sharing this information being questioned.

I am still. I fear that talking about my experience now will be met with backlash. But I felt like there was too much dialogue and not enough dialogue from survivors, so I put it out there hoping we could frame it differently. Don’t take this devastating encounter lightly.

It’s a horrible, toxic relationship, and probably many others — and by making it a bystander, it all undermines the change in those who speak up.

Caitlin Davey is a freelance writer.