James Weir recaps The Bachelor’s new 3-on-1 failure

It’s a big shakeup to save one of the biggest bombs on TV — it’s been torpedoed. James Weir recap.

Like breakfast cereal with more sugary junk added, Channel 10’s The Bachelor is tripling suitors and recruiting three white men for the upcoming season in a desperate attempt to make us all feel good again interest.

bachelor – now three times as boring!

The sickening spin of the original recipe isn’t even as important as it once was. It can corrode your brain and make you feel nauseous immediately after eating it.

Who are these three guys? It’s ok. Their names don’t matter. Two of them look like twins, and the third looks like Machine Gun Kelly’s nerdy cousin who just moved out of the house and discovered rap.

related: Abby Chatfield slams new Bach for lack of diversity

Viewers should not be fooled. The three-in-one deal never did any good. I used to work at the Jay Jays in an area and had to organize a big display stand full of slogan t-shirts. “Three for $30!” screamed the neon cardboard promo sign.

I reached through the pile one Thursday night and it turned into a half-eaten cheeseburger.

that huge surprise awaits us Bachelor’s degree Your own 3-in-1 deal.

‘We’re doing a world number one,’ says host Osher Gunsberg this project At the same time this week Announcing format changes.

“No one in the world has ever had three bachelors, so this year is very different in how it works and how everyone gets to know each other.”

Sounds tedious. We’ve been watching this show for ten years – now we have to learn new rules? Hope the boys treat it like a Monopoly game and blatantly cheat until Osher flips the board and weeps.

“It’s been fascinating,” Osh continued. “We’ve had it for a while, and it’s energized what we’ve seen. Not only did we go to headquarters and say, ‘Can we have three bachelors?’ but, ‘We want to do it without candles and fairy lights to this point”. That’s the meeting we have to get through.”

No candles or fairy lights? We knew things were bad over there on Channel 10, but none of us thought they were really trying to keep the lights on.

Now the last episode Neighbor Filming is over, maybe the producers can sneak up on the Ramsay Street set and use it as a firelight.we would love to see a date bachelor Susan’s living room burns in the background.

After years of plummeting ratings, all these format tweaks should save the struggling franchise.The show has This is the worst launch in history Only 482,000 subway viewers tuned in last year. All season, that number fell to a low of 360,000.

manufacture Bachelor’s degree What makes the three-in-one deal even more desperate is the producer’s attempt to capitalize on the latest celebrity boyfriend trend: alterna-dude.

If you casually browse any tabloid site, you’ll find more and more babes dating men who look different.

gold kardashian and silly comedian pete Davidson.Megan Fox and tattoo rapper cell phone off gun kelly. Kourtney Kardashian and Punk Blink-182 Drummer Travis Buck.

These boys are not like the traditional clean dudes who usually perform in front bachelor. But as the Network Ten is hastily trying to catch any possible wave, executives made sure to recruit an alternate guy among the three suitors.

Bachelor’s degree The Machine Gun Kelly admirer ticks all the boxes on the alterna-dude standard sheet: bad neck tattoos, piercings, hair bleached into sodomy.

Including an alterna-dude is Bachelor’s degree Diversity version.

The moment the executives lock him up with two other guys, they’re punching and kicking, thinking, “Home run!”

But these changes, like alternating guys bleached hair, are only superficial.

As well as the three-in-one Bachelor, the show has brought a sea change by moving from Sydney to the Gold Coast – an iconic Australian paradise synonymous with sun, surf and Schapelle Corby.

vanity! charm! Glasses!

Obviously, the show wasn’t exciting enough to begin with.

All these tweaks are just the last attempt at enticing us to watch.

bachelor Like an ex who really needs help, he’s been desperately trying to win us back—cutting new haircuts, posting sexy pictures on Instagram, hoping to make us jealous of their fun new lives.

Remember when a producer would edit a girl to look like a crazy stickman?it’s good now bachelor It has become clingy in itself – obsessed with getting our attention.

The producers seem to have forgotten the first rule of dating: stop trying.

There is nothing like closing.

Facebook, Twitter: @hellojamesweir

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