Families can be chaotic and complicated. Old disputes and unresolved issues abound. The wound is deep. Arguments about seemingly small, silly things can lead to huge squabbles because they resonate with something deeper and deeper.
Standing aside, other people’s families may appear mysterious. So I’m not going to pretend to understand the relationship between the Duchess of Sussex and her father Thomas Markle.
Clearly, there is a feud between them, a difficult relationship to say the least.
This is the obvious fact that although he was rushed to hospital last week for a stroke, she reportedly did not see him.
Dr. Max Pemberton considers the phrase “too late” in relation to family.He used the Duchess of Sussex (pictured with Prince Harry)’s relationship with her father to highlight the need to make a decision whether to cut ties with him or make peace with him
But at some point, she’s going to have to bite the bullet and make a decision—either get rid of him entirely and let you get along, or try to make amends in some way, sooner rather than later.
Her dad was out of the hospital over the weekend, and he seems to have been having issues with his speech, so I urge her—everyone who’s been on a feud, actually—to not delay.
Two of the saddest words my mom often said in English were “too late”.
I’ve found it time and time again in medicine – smokers realize it’s too late to quit when they have lung cancer, and those who’ve been trying to lose weight have a heart attack.
Sadly, people realize that the window of opportunity has closed. The time for change has passed.
But the saddest thing is when people reconcile rifts and squabbles.
People rush to the bed, yes, there are sometimes end-of-life reconciliations, but I’ve also seen many, many times people come too late. Or their loved one is completely powerless and unable to respond.
Dr Max Pemberton (pictured) said how tragic it was to see families too late to reconcile rifts and mend quarrels
For months, years—sometimes decades, they’ve been trying to say something, apologize, and clear the air. Then, when that moment came, it wasn’t like it was in the movie.
No soft faded light, soft focus, no tender touch, no wise last words to say with a warm smile when someone slips away.
There was an unexpected call urging them to get there as soon as possible. The car was full of people.
There was a rush of people in a brightly lit hallway, the place where the ward was located was a mess, and then, when they rushed in, there was strangely no fanfare waiting for them.
Thomas Markle (pictured) was rushed to hospital last week with a stroke but Meghan reportedly did not visit him
It’s surprisingly quiet and peaceful here. One nurse looked up from some notes and said, “Sorry, they passed away about half an hour ago”.
Relatives stood there gasping for breath, and then what happened – lost and missed – hit them. There is no second chance. No replays. ended.
You’d be surprised how often people are taken into a room with a dead body and left alone to finally speak their mind. It was in vain and barely closed. too late.
I remember a middle-aged man looking at his sister. They haven’t spoken for 20 years after an argument at a house party that broke out and refused to moderate.
He had flown in from Ireland, and when he walked into the ward, she was literally dead. He was taken to the family room and sat with a nurse who recounted how he kept repeating that if he knew she was going to die, he would call her and clear the air. He has been waiting for the right moment.
Young Meghan with Markle and her father Thomas Markle. Dr Max Pemberton urges the Duchess to end her feud with her father
He apparently thought that she was in her 40s and that he had many years to make up for it. He was wrong.
We have this image of reconciliation, like in some soap operas.
But the best reconciliation doesn’t involve running to someone’s deathbed. They happened over a boring phone call on Tuesday afternoon, or over a coffee in a Sainsbury’s cafe with a bouquet of flowers as an apology.
They’re a postcard that says “I miss you, let’s mend it”.
They happen when you realize that putting things off is too risky, when we face emergencies that require us to lower our vigilance and lower our self-esteem.
It is understandable to want to delay resolving these disputes and arguments.
They often touch on very deep and painful memories; things we would rather hide or not address until we have to.
But it can lead to painful self-flagellation for not being there in time and missing out.
Don’t wait for the perfect moment – many times it won’t come until it’s too late.
I don’t know if a year from now we’ll look back at monkeypox and realize we’re on the brink of another catastrophic pandemic. But we need to face reality – the epidemic is here to stay. Globalization means that viruses can spread faster than before. Pretending this won’t keep happening doesn’t help anyone.
Cheers to Wells’ top beer ideas
Duke of Cambridge recommends free pint in exchange for checks to encourage reluctant men to take care of their health
The Duke of Cambridge has suggested free pints in exchange for checks as a possible way to encourage reluctant men to take care of their health. It’s actually not as stupid as it sounds. In fact, I think William is doing something. Men don’t traditionally go to appointments or get tested. The reasons are complex, but perceived as not prioritizing their health, seeing a doctor or considering health “weak”, fear of finding out and feeling out of control, etc. But actually men do worry – they just don’t want to take action. They usually only require the tiniest nudge. If a pint helps get them through the door, then I cheer for that.
Max praises 74-year-old Ronnie Wood (pictured) for being topless for Esquire magazine as men get stressed as they age
- Ronnie Wood poses nude for Esquire magazine at 74, and that’s fine. We hear a lot about the pressure women — especially older women — put on their bodies. But there is no doubt that men also feel the pressure. That photo of Daniel Craig emerging from the water as Bond in Casino Royale does nothing for men worried about their middle-aged spread. Ronnie Wood looks great for his age, but for him it’s because he’s fearless to show what his real body looks like.
DR MAX prescription…
Dr Max Pemberton suggested watching the new Netflix series Heartstopper (pictured), a simple love story about two gay students.He says it’s good for young people to see positive portrayals of sex
This new Netflix series tells the sweet, simple love story of two gay students who find each other. Seeing it portrayed so positively is really helpful for young people who are struggling with their sexuality.